6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
