She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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