what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
