I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
