I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
