I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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