Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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