i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
