mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
