from now on my penis is your penis
the condom got lost in my hair
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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