I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
