Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Alive.
So much puke
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
