bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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