we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
