you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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