i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
