We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
