Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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