The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my shit smells like andre
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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