He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize