I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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