I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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