I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
