yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
