today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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