I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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