oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
