Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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