Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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