Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
