did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
