when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My dick has a subreddit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
