I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize