got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
