Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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