Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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