Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
