I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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