i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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