Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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