Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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