Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
