so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize