bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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