I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
