this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
