He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
