Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
