If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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