When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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