You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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