Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Quick, to the slutcave!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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