I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
