Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
