He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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