I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
