we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize