I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
