every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The Olympian is in my bed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
