I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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