That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
