You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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