I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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