if you like me you must not know who I am
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
