Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
