i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
