why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
