I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
